your music sucks

i've faked it every single time.

peace

i found my joy again. i realized it as i was driving through downtown on my way to ralph's. the music was perfect and loud. the breeze squeezing through my window crack was pleasantly cool. the buildings...the sunset's purple reflection against the window panes...the disney concert hall. EJGWGJ)(@#h3ohfwe0293h...

i felt it again while i was smoking a spliff on my porch (sigh...i have a porch) and the grey cashmere cardigan i stole from my mom was the perfect choice for this dusk of young summer. and knowing that i made the right choice made me smile. i was listening to the symphony of the 101 nearby and watching airplanes straight out of hey arnold flying overhead. knowing that i had just accidentally stumbled upon this nug i was inhaling into my lungs made me laugh my ass off by myself and i wasn't even a little embarrassed about looking crazy.

i walked inside my little house, closed the windows, and fell into my blankie, perfectly thrown onto the sofa; x files paused on the screen ready to resume, poptarts and cookies my roomie brought home from her dad's house ready to be consumed...i am the happy loner.

for some reason, when i'm elevated, words just flow through my brain, and i like to write them down just to see if they're at all coherently fashioned when i read them sober.

DTF, mf

right now...i feel like i'm going to be sick.

i like lightly scratching my lips with long manicured nails.

i like q-tipping my earholes even if i hadn't taken a shower.

i like pushing on canks or burns inside my mouth with my tongue until they feel numb.

i like holding my breath after taking a rip until i feel like dying.

i like telling people exactly how i feel and what i want to do when i'm barred out.

i like eating just enough so that i don't feel like i'm going to be sick.

i like driving down totally random streets in LA and being spat out onto some familiar street.

i like loving someone and showering them with all possible expressions of love.

i like being inside with the lights off to watch the gradations of the sun paint my walls as it sets.

i like looking for the moon expecting to find some dinky shape in the sky but actually finding a big ass satellite.

perfect mistakes

and you're so high that you forg3t that you washed up and changed already and then suddenly realize you already did and you're so glad...

right?

that moment when you're super zooted and you'd been too lazy to get up and wash up for bed but you finally do because your computer's battery is drained and you need to go get the charger anyway so you get up and then you go brush your teeth and wash your face and do your whole bedtime routine and you shut the light off and finally get into bed in your jammies and come online...

xanax: a haiku

i opened the box.

hello kitty was not there.

just a pretty pill.

:D

"before you go to bed, just smile really hard in the dark and you'll wake up a new person."

roland barthes

 "je-t'-aime / I-love-you

The figure refers not to the declaration of love, to
the avowal, but to the repeated utterance of the love cry.

1. Once the first avowal has been made, "I love you" has no meaning whatever; it merely repeats in an enigmatic mode-so blank does it appear-the old message (which may not have been transmitted in these words)."