i feel like there's so much i want to say but i don't exactly know what to say.

as if my memories were realities of a different dimension. it all feels familiar but not at all at the same time.

it's been a year since 4th of july already. so much has happened since then. everything is a blur. but i remember every detail of 4th of july last year so clearly--my friends. the heat. the wine. the green fireworks. the fucking.

why do i feel like i've lost a year of my life?

why is time slipping through my fingers, leaving me with nothing but glimpses of what used to bring me joy?

was i ever happy? am i happy now?