for some reason, when i'm elevated, words just flow through my brain, and i like to write them down just to see if they're at all coherently fashioned when i read them sober.

DTF, mf

right now...i feel like i'm going to be sick.

i like lightly scratching my lips with long manicured nails.

i like q-tipping my earholes even if i hadn't taken a shower.

i like pushing on canks or burns inside my mouth with my tongue until they feel numb.

i like holding my breath after taking a rip until i feel like dying.

i like telling people exactly how i feel and what i want to do when i'm barred out.

i like eating just enough so that i don't feel like i'm going to be sick.

i like driving down totally random streets in LA and being spat out onto some familiar street.

i like loving someone and showering them with all possible expressions of love.

i like being inside with the lights off to watch the gradations of the sun paint my walls as it sets.

i like looking for the moon expecting to find some dinky shape in the sky but actually finding a big ass satellite.

perfect mistakes

and you're so high that you forg3t that you washed up and changed already and then suddenly realize you already did and you're so glad...

right?

that moment when you're super zooted and you'd been too lazy to get up and wash up for bed but you finally do because your computer's battery is drained and you need to go get the charger anyway so you get up and then you go brush your teeth and wash your face and do your whole bedtime routine and you shut the light off and finally get into bed in your jammies and come online...

xanax: a haiku

i opened the box.

hello kitty was not there.

just a pretty pill.

:D

"before you go to bed, just smile really hard in the dark and you'll wake up a new person."

roland barthes

 "je-t'-aime / I-love-you

The figure refers not to the declaration of love, to
the avowal, but to the repeated utterance of the love cry.

1. Once the first avowal has been made, "I love you" has no meaning whatever; it merely repeats in an enigmatic mode-so blank does it appear-the old message (which may not have been transmitted in these words)."

i get into car accidents when i'm upset

it's funny how when two people love each other, whether it be romantically or platonically, they become more and more like each other. taste, outlook, temperament, sense of humor, preferences, word choice...all these things seem to hybridize in some way when two people become closer and closer. it feels weird to go from having someone to share things with all the time to not having this person you've become so close and similar to around anymore. for instance, there's only one person i know who'd find it interesting that yoni means pussy in sanskrit. or that carl pilkington's show could possibly be the most incredible thing in the world. but i can't tell him any of this stuff for one reason or another. all i can do is thank that person for showing me things that i now love and hope that i could do the same for someone else. i guess all i can do now is stay gold, use my heart, and spread love as if i've got it trademarked.

remember when it was just fun? 

remember you said we'd stop when it's not fun anymore? 

i'm not having fun anymore.