fuck.

today is just one of those days when the easiest things to do all seem like an effort. actually, every fucking thing is an effort today. just as we need space from parents, friends, lovers, whomever from time to time, i feel like i need space from my Life too (if that makes any sense.) i kind of wish we functioned like robots so that we can just turn ourselves off sometimes in order to escape and just refresh ourselves when people and duties become overbearing. but i guess as humans, we were just made to suck it up and deal with things. even if i were to drop everything and just jet it to sao paulo for some me time, i'll eventually have to come back and deal with all the shit that was pissing me off or stressing me out if i really want to achieve some kind of inner peace. i guess it was a good idea for me to start this blog since my usual outlets of frustration have been uninspired of late...another reason why i feel so not stellar these days. 

recently i was thinking about how creative i used to be. out of all my friends or family members, i was always the "creative, artsy" one. but when did this change? i feel like i've kind of lost myself in the last couple months...years...so preoccupied with the most pointless, meaningless shit in my life that i've almost completely lost touch with who i used to be. i used to blame my surroundings, convincing myself that i wasn't surrounded by enough inspirational people or things in order to create. but this was a lie because my surroundings have barely changed and inspiration comes from within as much as from some external source. i also blamed school for turning my passion into something academic by assigning projects and conceptualization as homework and as something to be graded. then i thought maybe i was just "growing up"--whatever the fuck that means--and had to reprioritize my life based on an "adult" mentality that somehow excluded what i love to do. but that doesn't make any sense either. in the end, there is only one thing to blame and that is myself--a culmination of laziness, lack of motivation, a cynical lense on the world, and a disease-like ennui that i can only be ashamed of. i just want to see the world through rose-colored glasses again. i just want to regain my appreciation for the most significant to the most negligible things in life. and for a bit, i thought this was possible...but all for the wrong reasons.

only i can change me. that's what i realized. no one--not my friends, not my family, not the love of my fucking life--can hit me over the head with a sledge hammer and tell me that this has got to stop except myself. and i'm telling myself now...this has got to fucking stop. 

 {source: fashiongonerogue}

everything sweet always comes to an end but only so that it can make room for something sweeter.